More €uros than Sense

My new boss has issues.

I don't know what they are exactly. I just know that he doesn't have his shit together.

Examples:

°On the day of my initial interview, he couldn't be bothered to be at the office and showed up 45 minutes late, then was a bit of a condescending showoff.

°The boss is always late. No one knows where he is, and you are not allowed to ask.

°Numerous times he has scheduled meetings between me, him and the "head teacher" and had nothing to say. Worse, when I've attempted to contribute, he's allowed the "head teacher" to mire down any real meaningful discourse by evading direct questions and answering with vague plans and generalities. At least three times I have wasted two hours of my life getting absolutely nothing accomplished. It is quite a feat to out-underacheive someone like me, but these guys take the fucking cake.

°I was asked last week if I would do a one-on-one Business English session with a client who only had time for a two-hour consultation. That means that she wants to sit down with a professional and brush up as much as she can by speaking, being corrected, and taking notes. It means that after these two hours she does not want to see you anymore. Basically she wants to rent an English-speaking hooker, she pays by the hour and will not call you in the morning. Period.

Friday rolls around and she and I both show up to the language school, whose doors are locked, at the exact same time. I'm like "unnnnnnnnnbelievable", which was a lie, because I absolutely could believe that these unorganised fools would set an appointment for three o'clock and then not bother to show up. But attempting to salvage some semblance of face for the company I make up excuses and try to hide my frustration and dare I say it? anger. This is a challenge for me because I have a face like a cartoon character and you can read every single thought that has ever passed through my mind in a nanosecond; I have been advised never to play poker. Etcetera. After waiting five minutes or so it appears that no one is going to answer the bell and I have just about given up the charade of pretending to believe someone will let us in when Frau Boss, a tacky, trailer-trash bleach blonde with a bad attitude walks up and opens the door. I tell her, "We had an appointment at three?" She sort of shrugs like "and that's my problem how?" and nonchalantly lets us in. Apparently the entire office had been having a "team building excercise" wherein they ate cake and drank champagne. Having been a party to their "brainstorming excercises" I can only imagine the whirlwind of pointlessness the team building meeting must have been.

Herr Boss shows up and starts trying to convince our client to accept a free introductory hour which will be deducted from the total price of the course. She tells him that she doesn't need a course, she just wants a couple of hours. As if he hasn't heard her, he launches into his spiel about the duration and price of courses. I tell him, she doesn't need or have time for a course. She booked two hours and that's why I'm here now. He tries to persuade her that two hours is not enough and that our super affordable courses can be done daytimes or evenings. She and I look at each other like WTF and she's like, I'm leaving for Stockholm in ten days. I don't have time for a course, I only want two hours. (Keep in mind that Herr Boss himself is the one who told me about this lady and her very specific request only 72 hours before.) Finally he shuts the fuck up and leaves out so we can get on with our lesson. The lady and I get on like gangbusters but that's a subject for another blog.

°Today is Himmelfahrt, or in more recent years, Men's or Father's Day. Briefly explained it's some Christianized pagan holiday that gives men a reason to get drunk all day instead of going to work. It's a bank holiday, which for those of you in the back, makes it like Sunday or Christmas or Thanksgiving or whatever. Nothing's open.

A few days ago while planning lessons, I realize that our Thursday evening class falls on a holiday this week and shoot off an email to Herr Boss and ask him if the school is going to be open that day. I get no response all day. Around five p.m. yesterday I give him a call:

O: Hi Thorsten, did you get my email?
HB: No, haha, I didn't look for one.
O: OK, well I just wanted to know if we're holding class tomorrow? Since it's Himmelfahrt and all.
HB: Oh shit, that's right, it is! Haha, well then, no! We're not going to be open.
O: OK then maybe uh it would be a good idea for someone to call our Thursday night students and let them know not to show up?
HB: Yes, I'll do that, definitely.
O: OK so have a good day off tomorrow.
HB: I will! I'm gonna be drunk all day! Hahahaha.

At the age of 29, this dude owns two restaurants, an adult education center, a language school and probably a couple of rub-n-tugs, but all he really does is tell you about his "visions" and invite you to chain smoke with him. How this language school is ever going to make it when he's yanking around both clients and employees is a mystery to me. I really think he has more money than sense. More stories about him to come.