[Laura is my good good friend who is German by birth but lived in Canada from the ages of 12 to 20 and came back to Berlin a couple of years ago.]
Laura
heyyyyyyy
4:51pmOdessa
yoooooooooo
is your hair done?
and why does yr heart feel squished*
???
[*her current facebook status]
4:52pmLaura
yahhhh, my hair is all done...
it was fun and I might not have to give up my apartment cuz' katy will take it, that makes me very happy
just in case everything changes and i want it back sometime
4:53pmOdessa
k
well that is good
fuuuuuucccccccckkkkkkkkkk there is some arsehole singing next to me in the interet cafe, he is middle-aged, smelly and drunk
good combo
4:54pmLaura
um, heart is squished cuz' its all a long story...I had a fucking long night last night lets just say that...i will tell you about it maybe some other time...
ewwwwwwww
4:54pmOdessa
k
4:54pmLaura
horrible combo
those guys love it at the internet cafes...they talk to their 3 wifes simultanously
haha
4:55pmOdessa
LOL
yes they do
i wonder if they all know about each other... too funny
ewwwwwwww he has raised his arm now and the breeze is blowing his BO right into my nostril, time to get drunk
and he is HUMMING oh jesus help me
anyhow what are you doing for the rest of the day?
4:56pmLaura
how are you?
um, nothing planned I will go to the gym
and then nothing
4:57pmOdessa
how am i? ok i guess
4:57pmLaura
I am restless though...I was kind of debating a nightwalk through somewhere newish
4:57pmOdessa
how are you? i assumed pretty good since you were kickin it in the boxi*
kewl
what do you consider newish?
[*Boxhagener Platz, a dirty park for drunken hoboes in Friedrichshain]
4:59pmLaura
uh, I am okay, there have been better days but its okay...hmmmm, dont know....ernst thaelmann park nahhh, hmmmm...let me think about that one
gawd, that guy seems worse than some other ones
I hate the angry young guys that happen to always sit beside me
haha, 'Ullrich broetchen'*
[*Ullrich is a grocery store in the center of the city, brötchen means "buns" or "rolls", this is in response to my own Facebook status praising the merits thereof]
5:00pmOdessa
yeah this place in particular is a haven for gamers, so they will all play against each other in these RPGs and scream and curse and shit good times
yeehaw for ullrich brötchen!!
5:01pmLaura
yeehaw is right!!
hey, are u drinking?
5:01pmOdessa
haha i was just about to write "now i am drinking a beer" lol
um yes
i am BAD
but fuck it man everyone was drinking down by the canal, im like, why can't I drink? other ppl have the right then dammit so do i.
5:02pmLaura
oh that would be cool to chill by the canal somehwere tonight
5:02pmOdessa
canally goodness
5:02pmLaura
well, I am debating on cracking open that little vodka cuteness
5:03pmOdessa
i had to leave cos it was too windy, my anti-feminism book kept flying around, and the dust from the botscha players kept getting in my face/coffee so i was like "time to bounce"
haha "little vodka cuteness" what a euphorism
is katy still with you? no eh
5:03pmLaura
hehe
5:03pmOdessa
nevermind thats a dumb question
5:04pmLaura
no, no she is obsessivley cutting hair to save up for her leaving to work in greece, I am jealous somehow...u get to drink for free very night legally
5:05pmOdessa
haha
yes going to greece for a summer sounds good/hot/noisy/fun/hot/noisy
mostly hot and noisy though
5:05pmLaura
LOL
5:05pmOdessa
haha im old
5:06pmLaura
I just like the part that she gets to drink for 3 Euros or nothing almost every day
not that that helps with cutting down drinking
5:06pmOdessa
nöööö
nööö it does not
bah who cares when youre 21 so what
drink evrey fucking day i did when i was 21
sometimes at noon. who cares
5:07pmLaura
yahhhh, I might pour myself a drink to that actually
5:07pmOdessa
hehe
wait are you having a drink THEN going to the gym?
hardcore
5:08pmLaura
uh, yah maaybe after or I will just drink the beer and then other things
5:08pmOdessa
wot?
5:09pmLaura
would u want to join on the night walk?
5:09pmOdessa
so wait you are or you are not going to the gym? what is this about beer and other things?
huuuuhhhhhhhhh i dunno
i gotta get up semi-early tomorrow and go see these fools about english teaching
or something like that
i was thinking of being in bed by midnight for once haha
but i would join you on the canal if you went
5:10pmLaura
yeah, me too actually...I would consume a beer and then other things is my point
and maybe go for a nice evening walk around 8 ish
and then I need to get some sleep as well since I didnt hardly get any
5:11pmOdessa
so you were talking to canada last night or what
5:12pmLaura
nah, just man shit...more Uk direction...it doesnt matter....
5:12pmOdessa
ohhh
k
will ask no further questions
shit did i tell you that hittop* injured himself last night?
[*hittop is the nickname of "Christoph", my boyfriend, the backstory is for another blog]
5:13pmLaura
what no
5:13pmOdessa
he sprained his ankle (i think) but he's being actually (haha) a HUGE fucking baby about it
5:14pmLaura
arent they always?
5:14pmOdessa
he's like "i think i should go to the doctor" im like why do you want to waste time and money on a sprain
yes! they are always!
5:14pmLaura
well, he has healthcare no...he doesnt really need to pay for the doctor
5:15pmOdessa
well but his poijnt is that maybe its not a sprain, my point is that if he goes to the doc the doc will poke around a bit and ask him if he can move the ankle this way and that. i was like "do you think the doctor is going to do an xray or something" and he was like "yeah well that or an ultrasound" LOLOLOL
um right. i have been to the doctors here, unless you are visibly dying of AIDS or have cancer sticking out of your eyeballs theyre like "rest up a bit and drink more water" blah blah b lah
5:16pmLaura
haha, lol
'drink more water' thats awesome
5:16pmOdessa
it is a complete fuckign waste of time and money. erika (his mom) has good money, good doctor, they do the same thing to her. as a result she just stays home and yeah haha drinks more water.
5:16pmLaura
oh my
waste time, I agree with
but german boys are whiny
especially our generations
5:18pmOdessa
well and anyway its just a sprain. he would not listen to the logic that if he really had had a severed tendon or something he would not have been able to make it home in anything other than a wheelchair, that sprains feel better and then feel worse, and then better and then worse, depending on how much pressure/weight you put on them over time, blah blah. i am the sprain queen i know what i am talkign about but will he listen? no. he just sits around and moans, haha it is almost cute. almost.
5:18pmLaura
yeah, moaning is always alomst cute
5:18pmOdessa
LOL
5:19pmLaura
well, now u have a moaning man around you and he is not even moaning for the right reasons
damn
5:19pmOdessa
damn is right
not that he moans much anyway
5:21pmOdessa
man i should always come to internet cafe when the sun is shining cos most people are too smart to sit around smoky internet cafes fucking around on the computer, therefore it is reasonably quiet in here. ahhh.
5:22pmLaura
yay
and u still get to semi people watch
5:22pmOdessa
genau*
or in this case "people-smell"
"people-listen"
[*genau: "exactly"]
5:23pmLaura
haha
is he still whsitling
5:24pmOdessa
erm no now he is cursing at the computer and breathing loudly
i think he's playing online poker or some other comparably pathetic pasttime
haha my mom plays internet poker. saaaaaaad
its not even real money come on now get yr capitalism right
yr making money for the website and taking home none yrself. wtf.
5:25pmLaura
haha
I had a dream one night of me playing poker
5:26pmOdessa
i think im going to write a blog about drinking
5:26pmLaura
or something
5:26pmOdessa
do you know how to play?
5:26pmLaura
can I read ur latest blogs? Where are they?
5:26pmOdessa
poker is one of those games like chess, a supposed classic that bores. me. to. tears.
5:26pmLaura
um, semi
5:26pmOdessa
ack! a request!
5:28pmOdessa
no not yet. 1. i want to have an archive before i get readers and i only have 18 posts now. 2. i want to figure out the direction of the blog before i let people read it. 3. It is still shit and I'm not really ready for everyone to read my scrambled mess. On myspace i had a good idea of what i was writing and who i was writing to, now ive got to figure that out, giving you the link would be like letting you in my house when it is a mess times ten.
i want to tidy it up a bit, when i am proud of it you will be the first to know.
5:29pmLaura
kay', fair enough...I know what you mean
5:29pmOdessa
i have literally one official reader, and i am also her only official reader. so we don't care if our shit is shitty, we have been reading each others bullshit for years now, not that i trust/like/love her more than you, but yeah ok you get it so i will stop now haha
5:30pmLaura
so, what do u think of David Sedaris?
5:30pmOdessa
um well i actually liked the book
the one i bought cookie
i could see why she didnt like it though, and why graham could not get through it
5:30pmLaura
why is that?
is it funny?
5:31pmOdessa
cos i think that deep down or maybe not even that deep down they are american haters for reasons that are unreversable i.e. americans will probably always be one way, and they will probabaly always think it obnoxious
yes it is fucking hilarious. but then again i am an american so i dont hate on him for his americanness. actually most of the things that cookie and graham find repulsive about him are traits that i myself have.
he is obnoxious it is true. i love it. i can also see why someone/they would not
5:32pmLaura
hahaha, LOLOLOLOL
I want to read it now
sounds good
5:32pmOdessa
sweet
it is good.
5:33pmOdessa
graham especially, he is so reserved, and dislikes overt displays of anything, and sedaris is very overt in his writing, remember how i told you i like art to slap me in the face, he is a face-slapper, although he does it with finesse. so i "get" it, it doesn't take an abundance of intelligence to understand, but you have to be tolerant of people who are in love with themselves.
5:34pmLaura
People are so funny that way with the inner american hate, I definantly think cookie/gram dont like obnoxciousness too much or loudness really in sober state haha...I still remember when I had all this arguments with stephanie about canadians/americans and their ways...god, just shut the fuck uip
5:34pmOdessa
sedaris however does not deny that he wants people to think he is great, in the next sentence he will tell you how not-great he is, and he owns that shit. very in touch with his vices.
ach yeah it is bullshit
5:35pmLaura
hehe
5:35pmOdessa
i mean for sure i dont like when amis* get on the train and have conversations SO FUCKING LOUD THAT EVERYONE CAN HEAR IT. ITS LIKE OH MY GOD I CANNOT BELIEVE IT HAHAHAHAHA EUROPE IS SO GREAT IM SO GREAT FOR BEING HERE NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND US THAT IS WHY WE ARE YELLING PLUS EVERYTHING WE ARE TALKING ABOUT IS SO FUCKING INTERESTING THAT I MEAN WHO WOULDNT WANT TO HEAR IT?? HAHAHAHAHAHA BLAH BLAH MORE YUPPIE BULLSHIT BLAH
that is annoying to be sure
but stephanie, she is a bit old for the ami-hate, for sure it is time to get over it
its not like she lives there and is tortured by them or something
[*ami: "American"]
5:38pmLaura
she is just too proud to be a fucking european and asshole about it which annoys me cuz' she is exaclty the same as the other way around...yeah THOSE PEOPLE ARE REALLY ANNOYING....I sat beside these 3 teenage girls one day and they were down-talking each other of how they all knew the u bahnstations* in berlin
[U-bahnstation: "Subway Station"]
arrgghgg
they were american by the way
new yourk city I believe
5:39pmOdessa
haha yeah not really from ny either though id guess
99% of ppl with the money to go to europe, who come from ny, are perpetual tourists i.e. mummy and daddy paid their way through NYU (see: renee) then they settled in ny to live, but they are really from the sticks
no one is actually from ny. they move there to be cool. so it makes sense that kids from there who visit here are dicks hah
haha
5:42pmOdessa
although i mean, it is cool to be proud of where you are from... stephanies pride is not a crime... what sucks is when you are proud of where you are from in comparison to somewhere else. on the west coast of canada it was a big problem, ppl would be like "its so much better here than the states" im like, surely you have some more worthwhile measure of your country's greatness than "at least its not america"? come on now
canada and europe are both rad places that are rad independent of the fact that they are "not america"
5:43pmLaura
yeah, that majorly annoys me
5:44pmOdessa
like for instance, i didnt want to live in america anymore, but i didnt move to canada because it was "not america". i moved there because i liked it, cos it was pretty and ppl were laid back and ok yes because george bush was not their president. but i like germany cos of the food, and the way ppl spend their free time, and that its cheap, and you can look at naked boobies on the tv, etc
5:45pmLaura
naked boooooooooobbbbies
5:47pmOdessa
oh man dude the internet guy is hitting on me again
that is dangerous becaue i totally like him and think he is hot
the only thing that sucks is that he waxes his eyebrows but as he is a turk maybe that is for the best... they can be some hairy mothafuckaz
5:48pmLaura
ohhhhhhh
hot turk, eh?
cool
haha, u are having springy feelings
babies and men
slurp
5:50pmOdessa
ROFL
shut up!
erm... i guess they could be springy feelings
probably they are just stuck-in-a-rut feelings
although i do love hittop but yes life is pretty standard at our house
actually we were talking about having babies today. i was like "if the world is still around in 2012 we can talk about it again, I'm not bringing a child in this world just for it to perish in a mayan-predicted meteor shower or something " haha
5:51pmLaura
LOL
well, but little turk shop internet guy would not make life less ordinary
5:52pmOdessa
hm
5:52pmLaura
babiiiies
5:52pmOdessa
yes thats probably right
haha then i would have to wear a headscarf and forget how to drive
5:52pmLaura
babiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeee
haha, erhg
who wants that
I was thinking about babies today too and having one for some odd reason
5:53pmOdessa
seriously half the time someone almost runs me over in a car due to their extreeeeeme, egregious lack of knowing-how-to-drive it is a bitch in a hajib
5:53pmLaura
it shifts all the time, gawd
5:53pmOdessa
or hijab or whatever the headscarf thingy is called
DONT HAVE ANY FAWKING KIDS
yet
get a husband first. or even better, a wife.
5:54pmLaura
noooooo, I cant make any babies in my brain anyhow
haha
gross
5:54pmOdessa
the immaculate conception and that
im sure your hoo-ha will see a ding-dong again in life youre young yet
5:54pmLaura
it was just a thought like u finding kids cute and squshable all of a sudden
5:54pmOdessa
ohhhh
yes some of them are squish- and edible
but i think id be better off with a kitten if i want to squish and eat somethign smaller than me that i have to take care of
its cheaper
5:56pmLaura
haha, too funny
uh, hoohaw
haha
5:57pmOdessa
hey there is a new hipster cafe on weichselplatz, maybe we will have to work it into the Kreuzkölln pub crawl*
[Kreuzkölln is the tourist name for the neighborhood which lies on either side of the border to Kreuzberg and Neukölln. Both are Turkish neighborhoods, Neukölln moreso, and Kreuzberg has become hipstery in the last few years, has been punkrock and Turkish for decades.]
5:58pmLaura
YES!
5:58pmOdessa
its next to the mommy cafe, its like theyre protesting the mommies, by sitting around looking dykey and non-procreative-y and drinking beer and smoking in the afternoon and that
5:58pmLaura
All hipster places will be for us to conquer
5:58pmOdessa
EXACTLY
5:58pmLaura
Oh, that sounds perfect
I like this place already
5:59pmOdessa
i wonder how long it will take the mommies to complain about beign downwind of organic shade-grown free trade tobacco smoke
actually yeah it doesnt look too bad. tiny though.
im 99.999% sure it was just someone's apartment before it was converted into a cafe
as in, like, a few weeks ago. why cant i make MY house a hipster cafe, damn everything
6:01pmLaura
lets open a hipster cafe together and make zines about um presidentialship(?) and kiez* education
[*Kiez: colloquialism for "neighborhood"]
6:02pmOdessa
haha and what exactly will be taught during kiez education?
how to rob späties* and steal bikes? pee pee corners of schöneberg?** etc etc
[*Spätie: short for Spätkauf, literally translated to "late buy", essentially, "independently owned mini-mart that is open later than grocery stores, which are only open until 8pm". **pee-pee corner is our name for any place where people typically urinate outdoors, Schöneberg is a very nice family neighborhood where people ought not to do such things]
6:04pmLaura
YES, its important shit
good idea, no?
the cafe idea is brillaint thogh
6:04pmOdessa
its not bad
6:04pmLaura
we would be rockin hosts
6:04pmOdessa
i would make ZE COOLEST cafe owner ever
totally a supamolly* concept, cheap beer, old tables, i would sell snacks though and pasta cos drunk people love pasta. and pizza. two super cheap things to make that you can sell for cheap and still make a profit from
[*Supamolly: cool East German punkrock bar]
6:05pmLaura
we would attract about 30 blackies and tuerkies a day or more like 130 and could take their money, what a deal!
6:07pmOdessa
im into taking ppls money as long as they re watching while i do it
6:08pmLaura
well, take their money as in they buy coffee, cake beer, and we make profit while they drool over us
yes, yes
not steal shit out of their pockets
6:09pmOdessa
ew i think i will wear a burka i dont want to be drooled over barf
why not i think stealing shit out of their pockets is probably covered in kiez education
6:09pmLaura
haha
aehhhh, well I wanna have a cafe with you now
6:10pmOdessa
yes!
6:11pmLaura
the best part to have in is neukoelln of course
attract all of those cute dykey girls
hehe
stare at them and take their money
6:14pmOdessa
dyyyyyykes
6:14pmLaura
indeed
6:14pmOdessa
now mr b.o. man is moaning ew ew ew come on man its just poker. plus he is tonedeafly singhumming along to some live rock show video from like 1979 wow
6:15pmLaura
WOW
6:15pmOdessa
WWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW
my "wow" photos came out pretty good i'll have to post those
6:16pmLaura
oh man, I still have to post some new shit as well
good, EXCELLENT!!!
6:18pmOdessa
ew why does burning filter smell like heroin, does that mean that there are opiates in filters? would explain why i cant seem to quit
6:19pmOdessa
now he's singing "pants, pants, pants" in a german accent so its like "päntz, päntz, päntz" somehow i am sure the band is not singing about trousers, i wonder how bad he is butchering the lyrics
6:20pmLaura
this sounds like a ridiculous skit
6:20pmOdessa
what? the guy or our chat
6:21pmLaura
the guy
6:22pmOdessa
he holds his beer the way a baby holds a bottle
i mean beer is nice but its not necessary to the division of cells or anything
6:24pmLaura
haha, u should try to get a pic of this guy
saturday katy said there might be vodka night at tacheles* with brigid/lucy could be fun
[*Tacheles: Art co-op/bar which almost single-handedly forms the heart of Berlin's soul]
6:27pmOdessa
coooooooollllllll i am super into it
although fuck cookie wants to have a bbq
uh wow i am a dick i guess the obvious solution would just be to invite her haha
6:29pmLaura
ohhh, well this isnt set yet...
she will message me tomorrow or something
I also want to hang w/ katy a bit more before she takes off, i like her vibe
BBQ sounds good too though
6:30pmOdessa
yes, she has right decent vibe. cool chick.
6:32pmLaura
yeah, she gave me a good haircut, that speaks for her
6:33pmOdessa
BO man is like "na ja.* mmhmm." and nodding at the computer, now he is doing gun-fingers at the screen, now he is staring at it with his head cocked, i think besides holding beer like a baby bottle he also believes that the ppl in the TV can see and hear him, i think i was divested of that belief at age 7
i cant wait to see this haircut. are you going to the opening** tomorrow?
[*Na ja: "mmhmm" or "ok then". **art opening at Strychnine gallery where Laura used to intern, and the managers of which are the aforementioned Cookie and Graham.]
6:33pmLaura
haha, this guy is too much
yeah, fer sure...i want to see hot graffiti boys
and um cool graffiti
6:34pmOdessa
i know eh? i should take video of him not a picture but besides being a stinky schizo he is also nosy and checking me out, i think he would notice taking a video dammit.
why cant he be like postbank guy* and earn having pics taken of him? i actually feel bad for him. Now he is head-bopping and whispering at the screen, LOLLLLLLLLL he is tooooo effing funny
[*dude with stupid hair who had a staring problem yesterday which facilitated my taking extremely unflattering photos of him.]
6:35pmLaura
oh try it, try it
6:36pmOdessa
fuck man
i need another beer first, i dont have the balls yet.
maybe i can just set up the camera in such a way that it looks like it is conveniently sitting on its end on my table
6:39pmOdessa
fuck now he is listening to german music. "gar nicht schlecht...*
no man i cant do it. i cant tape this guy. its like kicking a blindfolded retard
with one hand tied behind his back
[*gar nicht schlect: "not at all bad"]
6:40pmLaura
oh god
I think I am gonna die laughing
6:41pmOdessa
i need some of what he is drinking... i guess pilsator* is putting peyote in their beer these days
[*pilsator: the cheapest beer around, comfort to welfare-collecting alcoholics across the land]
6:42pmOdessa
LOL now here is something to laugh at... a new customer must be one of these dudes with five internet wives... first he told her that he had just arrived here at Media Markt*, now he says "aber weißt du was Problem ist wann ich zu dir komme, du hast doch immer keine Zeit"** haha stop screaming dude we get it you have hoes in different area codes
[*Media Markt: a Best-Buy type store which is across the street in the mall and decidedly NOT HERE. **aber weißt du...:"But you know what the problem is when I come to your house, it's that you never have any time"]
6:45pmOdessa
maybe i should make it clear that he came in yelling on his cell phone
6:45pmLaura
haha, why is ur internet cafes more entertainting than mine, in mine they are all boring and actually civilized and do real shit like research for school, apartment hunting, normal good stuff
grrrr
6:46pmOdessa
haha the perks of living in Kreuzkölln...
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